Monday, 24 May 2010

Ruffling up some Fun!

Life's never easy. And in times of extreme adversity one finds it's easier to well, go along with things...

Particularly if those things involve one's Muttie's BF's offspring insisting you dress up as Elizabeth I, complete with ruffles:

For all you Non-Brits out there, this was an English, red-haired, Protestant Queen who had an incredibly long reign, as well as an affair with her Ghillie, the brazen Scot John Brown (oooer,). And there was a brill film on her reign starring the gorge Cate Blanchett.

Still, one can always turn a blind paw to misdemeanours and look to the future. And the future is rosy my friends. The Muttie One starts a new full-time commission tomorrow which means she's out of my whiskers five days a week for the next eight months. Meeeow. I almost don't know what to do with myself altho it will involve a certain amount of bird watching and mousing, that's for sure. And I'll have the place to myself. I wonder if Fatboy might want to come over for some tuna? I've kinda missed bashing him while I was staying at Paws. I've also heard there's a new dog on the prowl in our back yard. I'll have to get my paw down, and hopefully Fatboy will give me a helping paw or two too.

In the meantime, the Muttie one is braying away tonight 'cos she got a beautiful, colourful award from my old buddie Max:

I got the award, but the Muttie has claimed it. Apparently we have to answer a series of questions then pass it on. So here goes:

1. What would your prefect day consist of?

A bit of tuna for breakfast, the Muttie One could go tramping around with her camera and a book and I'd get peace. Then we'd meet up again and there'd be tuna for tea

2. How would you describe yourself if you were an item of clothing?

Something luxurious. Maybe a faux minx stole?

3. What hobbies are you currently working on?

Well, mousing is my main one. I like to concentrate on this while Muttie is doing her quilting and dreaming of getting her bony ass out on her bike

4. Walking in the woods in wellies or bare foot on the beach?

Oooh, definitely bare-pawed

5. Have you ever hugged or sung to a tree?

I've accomplished the odd recital. As for Muttie - don't even go there!! Remember, a cat's hearing is six times as sensitive as that of humankind. One tends not to encourage her.

6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket?

Growng my own. One has fun gnawing the green bits off carrots

7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree?

Well, there was Uncle Ignacius who, as a Republican cat during the Spanish Civil War brought many a Nationalist mouse to its knees

8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish ‘n’ chips from the wrapper?

Oooh, def fish 'n' chips

9. Which element do you most resonate with, Earth, Air, Fire or water?

Fire, baby

10. Do you believe in fairies?

I do, of the whiskers variety and one that'll hopefully rescue me from Muttie...

Now, apparently I have to pass this along to five of my cattie pals..

She's great and I've learned so much from her: ten-lives-second-chances
Ok, we're talking canine's here, but he's a buddy terrierabouttown. 
He's one of ours but has his own identity: four-furry-friends
Muttie and Me love Lucky sillylupie
Muttie thinks this lady is as cool as a cat: snifflesandsmiles

Miltonian xx

Thursday, 20 May 2010

A Shellfish Tale

This is a scintillating side-on profile pic, as you can you see for yourself.

But regardless, er, can I just apologise to all you adoring legions of fans out there? I haven't been able to blog recently cos the Muttie One has been selfishly bashing away at the keyboard non-stop, having obtained for herself a wee commission or two (journalism, not fiction, so don't get too excited).

Still, it means loads more Dreamies for me, hee hee. This is a yummy kitty treat manufactured by Mars. Now, this is the second time  I've mentioned Mars and the reason for that is, being a smart kitty, I'm looking at the possibilities offered by product placement here. Hello 21st Century!! I'm going to send Mars my two blog entries in which they're mentioned and ask if I can become an ambassador for them and hopefully they'll say: "Yes, Milt - we'd sooo love to have you on board (they'd talk like that 'cos they're probably American - all the big corps are). And please, take these 30 free packets of Dreamies with our compliments as a token of our initial appreciation."

That way, I wouldn't be reliant on Muttie and could quite easily fend for myself. This opens up all sorts of possibilities ie like me leaving home, maybe getting my own place (with furry furniture), enjoying a foreign holiday twice a year - boy are those French felines TRES sexy?! It'd maybe even result in me being able to afford that wee sparkly bling collar I spotted in Cats R Cute the other day! Actually, the possibilities, as I'm sure you realise, are endless. Of course, it'd also give me some bargaining power with Muttie along the lines of me insisting tuna should be served every alternate day rather than just every Friday. Independence is a great thing.

The other thing I wanted to mention in this blog is my R E S P E C T for cousin Jenna. I love Jenna. She's eight and so cute and smart. The other day there she'd been to the beach and collected a big bag of shells. She'd brought them to Gran's home where she spends a lot of her days after school. She wanted to clean them up, count 'em, then paint them in all sorts of gaudy rainbow colours.

"Ok," said a reluctant, ExtrEEEMELY houseproud Gran. "Now let's organise this. I'll fill the basin with hot water, you wipe them then put them on the stainless steel draining board to let them dry. Later you can paint them."

"Cool," says the Jenster.

So Gran retires to the sitting room with a cup of coffee and her mag, leaving Jenna to her own devices.

An hour later Grandpa goes into the kitchen to see how the Jenster's doing. He immediately returns to the sitting room and alerts Gran.

"Er, I think you'd better go through and have a look," he says in a rather undecided manner.

Gran throws down her mag and enters the kitchen only to see every single surface of her immaculate, sanitised haven covered in shells. In fact, it was even quite difficult to open the door.

"Wow, 305 shells Gran!! Who'd have thought?" the Jenster proudly announces....

Who indeed! Not Gran I'd readily surmise...I only wish I'd been there to see the horrified look on Muttie's Maw's face, hee, hee.

Milt, the mean advertising man, er kitty xx

Monday, 10 May 2010

Kopywrite Konfusion!!

The Muttie woman is really getting on my nerves!

Like, she's been commissioned to write a column for an online-mag and she's stealing all my best blunders, er lines, to put on there. We're at this crisis point, it seems. So I've said to her...all my stuff is copyright ie whatever I do, whatever I meeow, whatever it seems like I'm's prone to legalese.

She's not happy about it, obviously, as she's such a boring individual herself; it is moi who gives her inspiration.

She claims she'll be able to write a column minus my intervention...I doubt it!  I mean, this is what she came up with:

Folks, I rest my Kittie Kase!!

Your Milt,

Friday, 7 May 2010

Mountains and Mediation

What a lonesome week it's been. The skinny-ass'd one has hardly been home.

On Monday she and Paw went tramping up a mountain in an effort to reduce the circumference of Paw's gut so his trousers won't cut into him when he's sitting at his desk at work (he's a teacher for goodness sake, shouldn't he be poised - chalk in hand - in front of the blackboard, er whiteboard, most of the time anyways?!)

The lumpy structure they ascended is around 2,900ft high and called Ben Arthur. But everyone refers to it as The Cobbler because of its shape ie on the far right of its peak apparently you can see the cobbler, in the middle is his last and on the left is the wife supposedly nagging him to work faster (he must be related to Paw):

For once in Scotland, the sun was shining and it showed just how pretty our wee country can be:

Halfway up The Cobbler the parental combo encountered some snow and Muttie just couldn't resist the opportunity to pummel Paw (sigh):

The day before they'd gone for a walk to Eggie Park near Paw's place where they encountered a medieval bandstand. Thankfully Paw didn't have his g'eetar with him and peace reigned for the entire afternoon:

But hey, there's no piccies of me so far in this post. What was I thinking?! You lot must be so bored viewing all those scenic shots. So anyways, this is my favourite place to sit in Muttie's kitchen and means I can watch what Fatboy's up to without too much difficulty:

There's been a big ginger Tom hanging around our place for a few days now. Or at least it was until I returned. For the past two months now I've been spending two weeks at Paw's house then two weeks at Muttie's. I wish the Great Female Procastinater would just get organised and move into Paw's for good. He's dreading it of course cos she tends to be rather messy and she also has plans to 'modernise' his decor.

He gets really jumpy whenever she mentions Homebase or B&Q. She's threatened to ring up the local TV studios and offer his home as the backdrop for a 1950s sitcom unless he does something soon....I tend to saunter outside when this particular strain of conversation arises...I find it's best to be impartial in these matters and cowardly purr for both sides...

Milt, the Middleman xx

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Kitty Kunundrum

Oftentimes I ask myself...wot's going on up 'ere..?

 Then I see's it for myself. The Muttie woman is in entertaining mode.... On Monday her BF Sharon, from the sunny South of France and her kids (Skye and Gaia) came to visit...ahhh...

They spent the day catching up on womany-type gossip then went to the local park to feed the squirrels cheap bags of peanuts (altho I'm sure the squirrels couldn't tell the nutty stuff were half-price from Lidl's). They seemed to like them anyhows:

Anyways, I got so annoyed with the Muttie one and followers cos they wouldn't take me with them. I tried to 'act as one' with them but this big bruiser of a Mutt stood guard at the end of the street. And I'm a kitty who doesn't take any chances. So, I took out my aggression on this branch hanging thing that I know Muttie really treasures and which droops daintily down from her kitchen window:

She's not gonna ignore moi anymore!!

Milt the seriously-Maligned. xx