'ow's this for a convoluted Yoga pose...'

Okay, okay...I'm willing to admit Paw has a bit of wit.

For the last fortnight me and Muttie have been staying with Paw in the incredibly quiet commuter village of Beith in Ayrshire. For Muttie this is quite difficult as she loves the noisy diversions of the Weegie (Glasgow, for all the American followers out there).

Anyhows, Muttie admits Beith has a 'cracking' library and loves when she wakes up and can't hear any sirens (honestly, in her place, if it ain't the cops, it's the ambulance - who needs an alarm clock?!).

So anyways, since decanting there I've befriended another two pussys. Was a bit bizarre 'cos at first this cute eight-month-old lil' kittie approached me. Honestly, it was like lookin' in a mirror 'cept her face was all black. The next day, lo and behold, her mother approached and she was identical! Was bizarre in the extreme. Anyhows, at one point we three black and white pussies gathered together in the back of Paw's garden (Macbeth anyone?)

"Quick, quick," Paw hollered to the Muttie woman.

"Whhhhhhhat?" the prone-to-Bulimic-one spluttered, raising her head from the depths of the biscuit tin where she'd scoffed the third leg of a double chocolate Kit Kat and which, in the interests of division, belonged to PAW!

"You gotta see this," Paw coo'd, not realising, for one minute, Muttie had already started on his share of the double-chocolate Kit Kat.

Brushing the tell-tale brown crumbs from her striped cardi Muttie ventured towards the kitchen window.

"Look!" Paw exclaimed, sizing the three of us black-and-white cats in one. "It's a MILTitude of cats!!"

There ensued a loud moan from Muttie whenceforth she returned to the biscuit tin and shoved the fourth leg of KitKat in her gub.

"Psychologically, it's mine by right," she groaned.