Forget water bowls, the best kinda H2O is the stuff that comes straight from the tap. And often I get away with it...
However, I had to do a bit of hiding under Paw's car yesterday after bringing home a decapitated pigeon.
Muttie thought she was in some kinda horror film as I gaily pounced up onto the kitchen window sill with it. Actually bringing it home caused me considerable difficulty seeing as it was twice the size of my head and I could barely see where I was going.
Meanwhile, me and the Muttie woman went head-to-head last night when she opened a tin of sweet corn. It ended in a rather ugly scene. No, she didn't glimpse her reflection in a mirror. What she did do though was submerge one's paws in one's water bowl while she dug in tin-wards with her oh-so-sharp fork.
Paw's been a bit more gracious about my 'mouse drop' after googling 'why cats kill mice' earlier tonight. In fact there was quite an emotional ear-scratching moment between us at one point. (Pssst, a wee aside here - Paw has a contraption that he sticks in his ears every now and again. It makes a buzzing noise and I wasn't sure of it's purpose until he insisted earlier tonight: 'When I do this Milt Boy, it makes me look YEARS younger.' Er, yeah Paw, whatever you say...).
Anyways, we mustn't slag off Paw 'cos he occasionally reads this blog too. In fact we'll praise him. Yeah, he'd like that. Ok, he's....good at bringing Muttie bacon/fried egg rolls in bed at the weekends, he always fetches the Guardian for her on Saturday mornings and, occasionally, he indulges her in a Spanish Evening where he cooks her really yummy tapas, opens a bottle of Rioja and shoves a Spanish film in the DVD recorder.
He's going through an 'I love all things Spanish phase.' Actually he's been indulging it for the last four years now. Muttie's impressed with his knowledge of this sexy Latin language - but she really doesn't need to hear it all the time. Still, he always gets top marks for his Spanish essays (but then he IS an English teacher so there's a pride thing going on there).
He's also really encouraging of Muttie's writing 'cept he always picks up on the mis-spellings and poor grammar. "But look at the creativity and imagination," Muttie implores.
"I'm trying to but I can't get past that use of 'less' instead of 'fewer' he insists. "And incidentally, your use of apostrophies is abysmal!"
You know how you had that day-dream at school about marrying your English teacher? Well, in a way, Muttie's done it and occasionally there's times where she can't help thinking maybe it would have been better to focus on the flirty volley ball coach instead...
Milt xx
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Oh, Milt...you are hilarious! The volleyball coach, eh? But that would mean she would have to stay as fit and trim as an olympian for the rest of her life...Don't think I could manage that!! The advantage of the English teacher,is obvious, however. Paw can play the editor for her...and she doesn't even have to pay money for the editing service!! Hooray! Love your posts, Milt...you are such a shrewd, and witty fellow! I'm so glad you found me because I got to follow you here! ~Janine XO
ReplyDeleteHi, Milt,
ReplyDeleteVery entertaining as always. And congratulations on the pigeon - and mouse. A cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do. You've got to spend some more time on your science subjects, though, young man.
I think it's lovely fresh H2O you're getting from that tap - not carbon dioxide.
Forgive us, we've been living with the world's most pedantic tin-opener for many years now. Her rants on the subject of apostrophes and grammar generally are enough to make a cat leave home ....
Your feline fans,
Jez and Bootsie xxx
Milton you serial killer you!!
ReplyDeleteBut I do see a glimmer of hope in that you've taken a liking to sweetcorn... maybe next time get Muttie to open you ANOTHER tin?? Tell her it's that or a half pigeon, half mouse... and this time it won't be pretty!
LOL!
I had a friend once (Charlie says I should get out more and find more of these fabled "friends") who dated our (oh yes!!) Economics Teacher and for a while everytime we socialised I was never out of the classroom scenario. It was hell. We (her friends!) were corrected about our grammar, our manners, and were talked down to as if we were still students.
Never again!
But your Paw cooks and speaks Spanish so that's ok.
:-)
take care
x
OK Milt, the old chap takes herself bacon rolls and the Guardian, you bring carrion. Have a wee word with yourself.
ReplyDeleteHiya Milt Buddy, great Post today as always.. and i love that 'Tap' pic, thats Mo's fave thing too..he loves water, when Ma wants to get the rest of us in, she just rattles the metal food bowls,..but for young un she goes in the garden and turns on the hose pipe !!..he comes running over the fence on wings!!...Well done on catching that Pigeon Milt, they are some size buddy !!..Moses caught a young starling yesterday and brought it in still alive!! (stupid kid) it was flapping aound, almost as much as Ma was !! stupid bitch was screaching.. 'get it out,get it out', like some dememted banshee !! I ask you all that fuss, for one little bird and the size of her !!..it flew out of the patio in the end, i was after it like lightening, i can tell you..but it got away...must teach Mo NOT to take things in to her ..she just doesn't appreciate 'cat kill'.or in his case 'attempted' cat kill...he'll learn.
ReplyDeleteSorry forgot to sign off my last Post Milt buddy..its Bailey, using Ma's blog, still hoping to sort mine out, I'll hopefully have less (sorry Fewer) problems then. Have you read it yet via Mam's Profile ? Tell your Paw not to read it..coz the grammar is terrible and he'll think you have got illiterate friends..i'm getting a complex now. Talk Soon Milt, buddy..Bailey.
ReplyDeleteWhat a hilarious post...I enjoyed every minute of it! I especially loved the photo taken at the sink. All five of my sister's cats drink that way...it's the only way to go. Fresh is good!
ReplyDeleteAuntie Ellen, you is harsh, but true. As for you S
ReplyDeleteother buddies, yes - I is your lovable Milt x
Starlings are hard to catch Auntie Joyce, give your babe a kiss from me.
Auntie Debs - you is too smart for me! But I still luv to hear from ya!
Ha, too funny! Milt, you are a stalking, one-cat slasher movie, all unto yourself, poor Muttie must have nightmares over what you're likely to drag home next.. how can anyone so cute be so deadly?
ReplyDeleteAs for Paw, I reckon I could over-look the snide grammer corrections, for a bacon and egg buttie served up with the newspaper, in bed, of a morning - he obviously has his uses (smile).
You and my cats ought to start a club - a killing club. Why - WHY? - the decapitation thing, though? Gifts are very nice, but not when you've already helped yourself to the best (?) bits.
ReplyDeleteLink for Muttie, she'll know what it's about. :o)
http://loriwidmer.blogspot.com/2010/04/irritation-amid-hilarity.html
Oh, Milt, you are so cute and even when drinking from the tap you look so dapper. :)
ReplyDeleteHello, Milt...just stopped by to give you a loving scratch behind the ears! You're the best! ~Janine XO
ReplyDelete