Thursday, 7 January 2010

Christmas Calamity

This is my scarey photo where I'm about to pounce on you...

But anyways, enough of that. Tell me, what did the white-bearded one bring you this Christmas?

I got a toy cat that farts.

Muttie says I'm being silly and the deep 'pweeeeee' noise is just it purring.  But I'm not convinced. It's a horrible, battery-operated white fluffy thing (that she got second-hand at work BTW).  And let me tell you, I fair got my teeth into it's scraggy tail within minutes of meeting it. Muttie is now thinking twice about getting another kitty in March (hee, hee).  She wants a ginger kitty that she's decided to call Macavity after T S Elliot's poem (she thinks she's dead cultured, but we know best, eh?)

And speaking of which, she ditched me in kennels for six days over Christmas while she and Paw swanned off to Madrid. Her raison d'etre for the trip she said was to go visit Picasso's masterpiece Guernica in the Reina Sophia. Who's she kiddin'? It was an excercise in stuffing her face with tapas and seeing how much Rioca she could pour down her throat in the one go!

Anyhows, I caught a cold in the kennels and I didn't think much of the grub. Not only that but my neighbour was a spoiled fluffy female who miowed constantly. Honestly, I was glad to get home for a good kip. Although that's been a bit of a problem the last couple of days. It's so cold in Glasgow that Muttie has been using me as a hot water bottle. Honestly, we're in bed and I just get comfy at her knees when she wails: "Milt, my feet are frozen." Then she picks me up and planks me on her Pieces of Meat (not the best place to be at the best of times - altho more of a problem in Summer I have to concede).

Does anyone out there want to adopt me?

Miltonian the Magi xxx