Thursday, 7 January 2010

Christmas Calamity

This is my scarey photo where I'm about to pounce on you...

But anyways, enough of that. Tell me, what did the white-bearded one bring you this Christmas?

I got a toy cat that farts.

Muttie says I'm being silly and the deep 'pweeeeee' noise is just it purring.  But I'm not convinced. It's a horrible, battery-operated white fluffy thing (that she got second-hand at work BTW).  And let me tell you, I fair got my teeth into it's scraggy tail within minutes of meeting it. Muttie is now thinking twice about getting another kitty in March (hee, hee).  She wants a ginger kitty that she's decided to call Macavity after T S Elliot's poem (she thinks she's dead cultured, but we know best, eh?)

And speaking of which, she ditched me in kennels for six days over Christmas while she and Paw swanned off to Madrid. Her raison d'etre for the trip she said was to go visit Picasso's masterpiece Guernica in the Reina Sophia. Who's she kiddin'? It was an excercise in stuffing her face with tapas and seeing how much Rioca she could pour down her throat in the one go!

Anyhows, I caught a cold in the kennels and I didn't think much of the grub. Not only that but my neighbour was a spoiled fluffy female who miowed constantly. Honestly, I was glad to get home for a good kip. Although that's been a bit of a problem the last couple of days. It's so cold in Glasgow that Muttie has been using me as a hot water bottle. Honestly, we're in bed and I just get comfy at her knees when she wails: "Milt, my feet are frozen." Then she picks me up and planks me on her Pieces of Meat (not the best place to be at the best of times - altho more of a problem in Summer I have to concede).

Does anyone out there want to adopt me?

Miltonian the Magi xxx


  1. And what's wrong with tapas and rioca anyway?

  2. sides are really should publish these babe xx

  3. Thanks Yvonne, really appreciate the fact you like it :)I'd luv to publish it, but don't know how you go about it. Maybe once I get a year's worth. How's you?

  4. Yes, Ellen - nothing wrong with Tapas and Rioco (Muttie here) x

  5. Oh I'll take you in Milton if it all gets too much to bear. We have three here - all robust, morally upstanding felines of varying ages. I can promise you you won't get any farting toys for Xmas. In fact you won't get any toys so umm, best just bear that in mind.

  6. Wot, no toys at all Auntie Shaz? You're not the burd Muttie claims you are...

  7. Milton - I know you're a cat and I really shouldn't say this, but I fear for your safety if human feet heating is involved.

    You're welcome to come use my spare basket.

  8. Thank you Hobbs. I'll think about it. I'll be the boss tho...being an Alpha Male Cat and all that...


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