Wednesday, 4 November 2009

A Kittie's work is never done...

Muttie's been giving me strange looks all weekend. When I say 'strange' I mean disconcerting.

They began after a two-day reading fest. She wouldn't take her snout out this one book, to the extent I had to remind her, while she popped to the loo, that I still hadn't received my BREAKFAST treat by DINNER time yesterday.

"Alright Milt," she growled. "Treats aren't standard by the way. They're as the word suggests, a 'treat' ie something that you get now and again, usually for being good. Although if that were the case you and treats would be strangers eh? Ha,ha."

Yes, very funny. Have you weighed yourself recently?

Then she went on: "Of course, really clever kitties would get regular treats because they'd always be doing something smart or useful."

Eh, what's the dotty one going on about now?

I decided to investigate. And it didn't take long before the penny dropped. The book she was reading was called Dewey (although Pewey, would be a better title 'cos it's full of the brown stuff I reckon).

It's all about a little kitten that turned up in the Overnight Returns Box of a small town library in Iowa. It had hypothermia and even after it survived it was still hobbling around for months afterwards cos it had frostbite on its wee paws (Dad was in tears at that bit). Anyhows, this ginger kitty lives in the library and ends up charming the whole town of Spencer with its sociable, playful nature. It seems to understand when folks need a cuddle and makes everyone smile at a time when the town is in economic shut-down.

Dewey's story spreads, locally at first, then nationally throughout America and finally internationally when a Japanese film crew come and screen test him.

"Milton," the Mother Ship 'innocently' enquired late last night. "Don't you get bored running around the garden all day? I mean, wouldn't it be nice to do something a bit more well...challenging?

"You're coming into work with me tomorrow. After all, I KNOW you can shuffle papers."


  1. Milton, you would not have caught Dewey moaning about a lack of treats - as he had a selfless and loving nature.
    I know, what a sap!
    Yours in the true spirit of felinity, Bootsie
    PS Jezzie disagrees, she thinks he sounds like a lovely cat. But she's always been a bit of a wimp.

  2. Milt, I'd go for it if I were you. It's a civil service job for godssakes - how hard can it be? You'll probably rise fast, it'll be promotion after promotion, soon you'll be bringing in the big bucks (which means More Shopping mum, kerching!) and before you know it you'll be running that North Ayrshire racket. Get rid of some of these old deaf farts for a start. It'll herald in a new age of prosperity for the area and just think of all the cat food factories you'll be able to give the go-ahead to. (With you as head taster bien sur - make it a condition.) If that doesn't bring in the Japanese film crews I don't know what will.


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