Friday, 2 October 2009

Mummy is doin' my frigging head in.

She's just been to see the movie "Julie on Julia", starring Meryl Streep which is all to do with a young, frustrated US woman writer (aren't they all?!) who started up a cookery blog based on the writings of an off-her-trolly older woman (Meryl Street). The upshot is, the neurotic (Julie) gets a book and a movie deal out of her nocturnal blogging.

"Oooh Milton," cried my equally-neurotic Mummy on her return home, "You and me are gonna make a fortune."

She'd had a couple, I could tell.

"Baby, this blog stuff is the way to fortune and stardom. No other kitty, far as I can tell, has his own blog. You're onto a winner here Milt. Just keep up the excellent prose and maybe, like Julie, a publisher will see your stuff and wheeeeeey, you and me will coin it in!"

Eh? What do ya mean 'we' Mummy?? It's me who puts in all the hard graft to write the bloody blog. Obviously, were this to go further a bit of negotiating re further kitten treats would be on the cards.

Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to discuss it with her cos she fell into a drunken slumber... But folks, I'm currently looking for an agent...any feline friendly recommendations welcome...

Meanwhile, like any normal person, you would think with this on my side Mummy would be a right sook right now. But nah. She's giving me a deafie (which is not a bad thing as her voice really grates on me anyway).

The reason she's adopted this monastic vow of silence is because I inadvertently lost the new, very expensive, dark blue, velvet collar she bought me last week (Auntie Jen, I loved the silver, sparkly collar you gave me but I somehow wore the elastic away).

The lost collar was just one of those things, you know? I was having a right good claw at my left ear, heard a 'ping' and saw a blue flash go 'wheeeeeeee' past my left ear. Before I knew it Sophia (an annoying black male cat who lives in the vicinity - and yes, he has a poofy name cos his Mummy thought he was a female for months after she'd got him until the vet explained otherwise) picked it up in his teeth and ran off with it. I could hear the wee silver bell ringing for ages afterwards. I chased him but well, he's faster (and bigger) than me.

See when it comes down to it though, I blame Mummy. The collar had a quick-release catch. What right-thinking Mummy would purchase such a thing? I mean, I was obviously going to lose it, right?

Other stuff that's happened this week...the Pet Therapy idea hasn't gone away. Muttie rang the woman who organises it last week. Apparently I have to go to a vet in Irvine who'll check me over to ensure I have no horrible diseases I'll give to the old dears etc. Bloody cheek!! Not only that but I have to take out insurance! Well, hey...who's doing who the favour here? Hopefully it's too complicated for the Mother Ship and she'll drop the idea.

More on this soon...

Yours, despairingly, The Milt xx


  1. Hi Milt I do empathise re you and your mummy. I realise that one of you will get a book deal. I know she is fairly controlling... but hey that is not necessarily a bad thing! I am sure you have no horrible diseases. Ignore Sophia and anyone who has italian name is what me thinks!! The dark blue velvet will turn up at some point...kitties rule!!

  2. Milt,
    Don't stress the collar. Your mum will get you another one. The human females love the shopping and making kitties look cute. We are currently rocking the au naturel look as we don't get into the great outdoors. And our tin-opener says we're beautiful enough unadorned although we suspect she is saving her money for gin.
    Love the blog,
    Jez and Bootsie

  3. Umm Milt, does your mum know you've been playing with her blue feather boa? We both know how precious her froth and frippery is to her... just make sure you pick up every last feather from the floor once you're done otherwise you'll be on that Pet Therapy couch faster than you can say cat-flu-fleas-and-hairballs.

  4. Hello Milton,
    My your a cute little fellow, I dont have any digital photos to send you, and anyway I would'nt know how to do it. I love the blue feather look.
    xxxx emma

  5. Hi, everyone and thanks for tuning in. I really appreciate your support. It's not easy living with Mummy as you'll probably all realise. And yes, Auntie Shaz, I cleaned up all them feathers. She didn't have a clue! Auntie Debs, I'd luv to meet your kitties sometime. Er, are they female...

    Milt x


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