Sunday, 25 October 2009

Flourescent Fantasy

The Mother Ship has gone all paranoid again.

She's convinced there's an elephant's graveyard of discarded kitten collars out her back garden.

I've seen her looking. She puts on her hippy, velcro-attached summer sandals (while wearing her socks - EMBARRASEMENT!!) and goes a-searching of a night.

Between you and I - and the whole internet world - she ain't gonna find them. Me and Sophia (my very masculine black cat pal - despite his poofy name) have actually flogged them to the guy next door who'll do anything for a fix. Well, I call it Cat-Entrepreneurship.

In my defense, the Mother Ship isn't exactly forthcoming when it comes to pocket money so I think sympathy kitten-wise is appropriate here. How else can a cute fur-ball like moi achieve treat-maximisation?!

And anyway boy, did I hate that leapord-skin number. But guess what, she's gone and purchased another one cos she thinks it's just "soooooo cute!" She doesn't realise that a hunter-gatherer such as I should be adorned in something a bit more well...masculine. I'm thinking more of an orange tiger number, you know?

Today, were you to enter my back garden you'd see me sporting a yellow fluorescent collar. Yes, I'm your lollipop-man cat...NOT!!

"It's for your own good babes," the Mother Ship insisted. "With the nights fair drawing in, I want you to be seen."

I give this one three days. Watch this space....

Your sneaky, wee pal, The Milt xxx


  1. Well, Milt, your mum obviously subscribes to the theory that God loves a trier. While we, of course, know that anything so proletarian as trying is quite undignified, along with socks and sandals and fluorescent collars.
    Yours in feline solidarity,
    Jez and Bootsie

  2. I think your mum's just trying to relive her youth with the yellow fluorescent collar thing, Milt. If you think that's bad - in our day we even went about in fluorescent socks and jumpsuits, oooh circa 1883. Feel grateful it's the only your collar mate.


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