Thursday, 15 October 2009
You’ll never guess what the Mother Ship is proposing now.
In a contradict-me-if-you-dare tone, she announced last night that kittie litter trays were "so passe.”
“Yes, Milton" she continued, "While trawling through t’net the other day I came across a brilliant invention. It’s a system that teaches you, my cutey wutey little kittie, to go to the loo human-style. In three easy steps it shows how you can discard your litter tray and do a Jimmy Riddle in a toilet pan instead. And it's called...wait for it baby, you’re gonna love this…the Litter Kwitter!! Genius, huh?!”
Actually no, it’s not "genius" you silly, delusional, old bat. I’m happy with my soggy wooden chips thank you very much. And anyways, what If we were both bursting to pee at the same time? The Mother Ship would no doubt come out with something about me being lower down the evolutionary scale, push me aside and insist I make way for her….pronto!
Worse still, there’s no way I’m going in there after one of Dad’s marathon dumpster sessions. Gas masks? There's times when I've considered advising all the neighbours in our four-storey tenement to decamp to the nearest nuclear bunker, or at least Lidl's across the road. Despite being surrounded by products with wierd foreign names and a check-out lad with a drum-size hole in his left earlobe, it's way safer than being in the vicinity of a stinker that's sure to knock your senses sideways.
Having said that, I checked out the link and I must say, the fourth cat to take a pee, the Bengal one is a bit of alrrrrrrrright!
However, when it comes down to it, in terms of Muttie hitting the barmy scale, the hammer’s been thumped and that silver arrow is about to not just hit the bell but whack it right off.
You know, it's a real shame for me, I mean, of all the mum's in all the world, I get her....
Milt :( xxx